Natalia’s Story

Natalia initially described her husband as a "caring, gentle giant, a knight in shining armor, and chivalrous," noting he was responsible and family-oriented. But she remembered his controlling behavior starting early when he insisted she stop talking to a long-time male friend and the father of her oldest child.

Natalia noticed his temper worsened after his father’s death which occurred a year into their marriage. He also began drinking heavily, leading to escalation in his behavior. She described him as “punching holes in walls” and grabbing her “for ‘talking back’.”

Natalia stated that this often culminated in him choking her, which became his “go-to response.” She described how the first time he choked her, “he also jerked my arm up over my head,” tearing her rotator cuff. She blamed herself at first, thinking she “provoked” him, but later realized “it wasn’t even that much to provoke it.” Natalia estimates he physically assaulted her five or six times, punching or choking her over the course of their marriage.  

As his drinking worsened, she managed the finances, giving him an allowance. She believed he “understood the problematic cycle [of violence] but chose not to seek help,” reflecting, “oh well, my mom and dad stayed together even though there was violence.”

Their relationship deteriorated with constant criticism: he mocked her clothing and interactions, once sneering, “I thought you were going to work, but looks like you’re going out whoring again.” She described his comments as “constant” and that he “questioned everything I was doing.”

Once, after returning from the hairdresser, he aggressively pulled her hair, nearly “breaking my neck,” demanding, “who did you get your hair done for?” She recounted how “he grabbed me, yanked me to the floor, dragged me into the bedroom and threw me in there.” Despite his accusations that she was being unfaithful, she found out he had at least two separate affairs.

 He sometimes stalked her, showing up at her workplace over 30 miles away to watch her interact with customers, jealous and later on questioning her, “Why were you smiling at them?” Even after their divorce, he continued showing up at her work, leading her to ask the security personnel for help. One time she walked him back to his car to ensure he left, he tried to kiss her, and when she rejected him, he asked, “Oh why? You gotta date planned?”

Throughout their marriage, she endured numerous verbal and physical confrontations. A dispute over dirty dishes escalated when she refused to clean them after working two jobs. He then “grabbed me by my throat” and punched her, causing a busted lip. He belittled her with remarks like “lazy bitch, what kind of mother/wife are you?” and left demeaning voicemails criticizing her parenting.

Their final physical altercation happened after their divorce. He punched her, and she kicked the car with their children inside. At one point, he lifted her by the throat onto the car hood. Natalia reflected, “you really do fade to black in those situations.”