Clara’s Story

Clara entered her relationship at a point of extreme vulnerability. She was homeless, struggling with low self-esteem, and desperate for connection. Her boyfriend capitalized on this immediately, refusing to acknowledge or "claim" her until she lost an extensive amount of weight to meet his demands. 

This established the theme of their entire relationship: Clara’s only value was what he allowed her to have, and she became entirely dependent on his approval.

At first, she didn’t mind; she described him as the kind of man with a "smile like you read about in books," and she referred to him as her "Hood Prince Charming." However, within three months, the relationship turned physically abusive. During an argument in a bar, he choked Clara in a public restroom. 

He was also verbally abusive, repeatedly telling her, "You can leave me now and be nothing without me because you ain't shit and you won't be shit, or you can stay." This statement became the foundational lie of Clara’s life.

Over the years, this degradation was reinforced by severe isolation. One of her only family attachments, her mother, eventually stopped speaking to her because of the abusive relationship. This left Clara with no safety net other than her abuser. 

Her partner’s control eventually extended to every facet of her existence. When she worked, she would cash her checks and immediately "hand him the money," despite the fact that he was unemployed and using the funds for crack cocaine - an addiction he encouraged in her as well.

The abuse was also deeply humiliating. He would bring other women into their home and force Clara to sleep in the living room while he occupied their bed with someone else. 

Even when Clara was involved with parole and other programs, she described officials as trying to keep her away from him because they "saw what she turned into" when he was "in her face." In those moments, she felt she simply could not say no to him.

By the time Clara was pregnant with her third child, she was trapped in a cycle of homelessness and addiction led by her partner. After the Department of Children and Families (DCF) removed her infant son due to the domestic violence in the home, Clara described herself as "breaking." Still trapped in that cycle of drugs and homelessness, they began staying with a couple they had met at a soup kitchen.

Over time, Clara and her partner stole from the people who were housing them to feed their addictions. In June 2012, the nightmare reached its peak. During an attempt to directly rob these benefactors for drug money, Clara’s boyfriend stabbed and killed two of the family members while Clara watched in total shock. In that moment, Clara was no longer just a victim of domestic abuse; she was a witness to a double murder committed by the man she was already terrified of.

She and her partner fled the scene and went to pick up one of his friends. Her boyfriend forced the friend to return to the scene of the crime to help dispose of the bodies, telling him, “If you say anything, I’ll do the same to you.” Clara knew this threat applied equally, if not more so, to her. 

While they were on the run, Clara lived in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, fearing that he would kill her next. She later reflected, "The worst part of it all was when he didn’t kill me, because I have to live with this every day."

Eventually, the run came to an end when police tracked them to a hotel. In the moments following their arrest, as they were being led away, Clara and her partner were allowed to say goodbye. Despite the violence she had witnessed and the terror she had lived through, Clara kissed him back when he leaned in to kiss her.

Following what appeared to be a romantic exchange, a detective pointed to this specific moment as evidence that Clara was a willing participant, commenting that it "didn’t look like someone who was scared." 

To an outside observer, that kiss looked like affection. But through a lens of domestic violence, one could hypothesize that it was the final, visible sign of a trauma bond. After years of being told she was "nothing without him," Clara’s brain still clung to her abuser as her only source of identity and safety, even at the very moment he had led her to her ruin.